Nighttime at Teufort
by Lalicure
Summary: Miss Pauling has to check on the boys before they go off to sleep.


Miss Pauling walked into the BLU dorm and immediately held her clipboard close in shock from Sniper and Spy running past her. Spy ran into his room and slammed the door shut. Sniper held a jar filled with jarate and leaned against the door with the whole weight of his body. Spy looked back out through the window on the upper half of the door and smiled immaturely. He was leaning against the door with his whole weight, too. Miss Pauling walked up to Sniper.  
"Hey now, what's going on here?"  
Sniper cleared his throat.  
"The spook called me a filthy bushman so now I'm going to peg this at his nuts," he said, jerking his head at the hand that held the jarate.  
"I beg your pardon?!"  
"Sorry. I'll peg it at his _testicles_."

Spy laughed. God only knows what at. Miss Pauling sighed.  
"Now, if you two don't behave, I'll make one of you sleep in the timeout room."  
"NO! NOT ZE TIME OUT REWM!"  
As Spy said that his cigarette fell out so he absent-mindedly reached for it. Sniper saw his opportunity in that Spy wasn't fully leaning against the door so the Australian backed off then slammed his body against it, flinging the door open. Pauling dashed in behind Sniper and grabbed him before he could do any harm. Meanwhile, Spy was acting like the victim of a major trauma, lying on the ground in foetal position, rocking back and fourth.  
"DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T LOOK AT ME!" He paused briefly to turn on his invisiwatch. His visibility faded to transparency.  
"DON'T LOOK AT ME!"  
"We can't even see you, ya bloody wanker."  
"All right, I'm confiscating your weapons."

Sniper handed her the jarate and left the room.  
"Spy. Your watch."  
She was looking at where he'd been nearly wetting himself on the floor. But when he appeared, he stood just behind her.  
"Zhere you go."

In Demoman and Pyros' room, Scout was laying down next to Pyro, who was sitting on his bed. Demoman lay flat on his bed. Scout was educating the other two on how horrible RED team was.  
"Yea. And, and GET DIS, dey got dis one guy on deir team, named fuckin' "purr-ar" or sometin'. And he fuckin- He wears a gas mask! All da time! For NO reason!"  
"Hrw hrr hrrckn hrrpy." (That's just fucking creepy.)  
"Yeah, I know. I mean, at least with you, ya got a reason."  
Pyro nodded sadly.  
"Don't cry," Demoman said.  
The nine mercenaries were that close that they could pick up on tiny things like the sounds Pyro made before he was going to cry.

Just then Miss Pauling came in.  
"To your own room, Scout."  
Scout nodded and stood.  
"It ain't fair, outta all NINE a' us, I'm the only one with a single room."  
Demoman grinned.  
"It's because ye talk too much, lad. If you shared a room with someone you'd keep them up all night with yer talking."  
Scout smiled and gave him the finger.

In the hall, Scout grabbed Pauling by the arm.  
"Hey, I heard dat Retarded Excavation and Demolition team gets to stay up till two AM."  
Miss Pauling lifted her pen at Scout.  
"Now I've spoken to the Announcer about that and that's just not true." (BLU team is looked after by Pauling, RED by Announcer.)

Scout grumbled. Miss Pauling ticked on her clipboard that Demoman and Pyro were in bed. Then she heard an intense, deep sob. She sighed. She knew where it came from. She entered Sniper and Medics' room. Sniper was looking upset, his arms crossed behind his head. Medic was standing at his window in his dressing gown. He was looking in the direction of his surgery, although it wasn't actually visible.  
"Baby!" He cried, becoming hysterical. Miss Pauling sighed.  
"Medic, I know you miss Archimedes. But he's safe."  
Medic couldn't tear his gaze from whatever it was he was looking at.  
"I love him! Zhat Announcer is a bitch, making me leave Archimedes behind like that." He gasped. "Vhat if he's cold? Or hungry? Or vhat if he vants somevone to sing to him?"

Sniper put down his hands and scratched the back of his neck.  
"Ya think he'd miss his wife."  
"MEIN VIFE IS A WHORE! She slept vith the RED Demoman."  
Pauling shook her head.  
"No. He just said that to upset you."  
"Thank God he wasn't talking about Archimedes." Sniper laughed at his own joke and at the same time earned a hard glare from Medic.  
"He's fine, Medic."  
"Really," he asked hopefully.

Miss Pauling pursed her lips. He looked as helpless and sad as a little girl crying in that moment.  
"Come on, you can sleep in the quiet room."  
"Ja... Ja, okay." Medic sniffled one last time and followed the younger woman into the hall.


End file.
